Life on a standby.
Prepared in the unknown.

My first standby experience left me in tears at gate C31 at the Vancouver International Airport the minute I found out we didn’t get on the flight. I had no idea what to expect so I kept looking back at the gate agent waiting anxiously for her call our names and then I watched her shut the gate. It was sad, dramatic and it all happened in slow motion. Looking back I feel a bit silly now about the tears, but at the time it felt like getting home for Thanksgiving was just too good to be true.

When there’s a will there’s a way! We finally made it on a flight through Calgary the next morning and although my Friday evening dinner plans with friends turned into Saturday morning breakfast at McDonalds, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. It was perfect and so great to see so many of my loves and their loves too.

After breakfast we fuelled up with some Starbucks coffees and were ready for our 5 hour drive to Sioux Lookout. We drove down with my friend Kel who graciously waited around another day for us. (Thanks again, Kel!)

There is no place in the world quite like Sioux Lookout and if I could magically click my heels and go there more often I absolutely would! It is truly beautiful and peaceful. (Scroll to the end to see all the pics)

In Sioux Lookout, everyone knows everyone, there’s only one grocery store, our only theatre recently closed down, there’s no Starbucks, and life runs at a much slower pace than the big ol’ city.

My parents house is a place where everyone is welcome, the crib board is always out, the cupboards never run dry and pumpkin pies make themselves I swear. Needless to say, my Mom & Dad are amazing to have created such an environment in a home.    I hadn’t been home to visit in about a year and this time was definitely a bit tough. When I arrived, my Mom greeted us and we drove straight to the hospital to visit my Dad. A month prior he had had surgery, but was recently admitted back in the hospital  because he wasn’t recovering well. Things were not looking too great for him being at home for Thanksgiving dinner.

I went home that evening feeling very heavy. It was weird not hearing my Dads voice around the house asking Josh questions about his life, showing us all his latest piece of driftwood art and then I was suddenly hit with millions of reality checks.

My mind was roaring, this magical place I called home that in my little girl fairy tale mind that was constant and never changed, actually will indeed change and has changed already.

Visits home always make my heart grow a size bigger, my head a little deeper and perhaps even a touch wiser. I contemplate and analyze my life now feeling extremely grateful for my upbringing and for all the people that have impacted my journey so far.

One of my favourite things about visiting home are the conversations that go “Look where we are now!”,  “Look at what we used to wear” and “I can’t believe we thought 18 was a good age to be married at”.  These conversations are a trip down memory lane and I love them, however the ones I value the most are the ones that go beyond the surface; the conversations where we ask the really hard questions about life, share our real feelings, ideas and beliefs in a place where there is absolutely no judgment or ulterior motive to sway each other.

After returning to the big city I’ve had some time to think, with the help of the above ^ kinds of conversations and through writing THIS reflective blog post, something I have come to realize about myself is that I haven’t exactly lived my life the most “prepared”. My life has been sort of like my first standby trip to Sioux Lookout. While I could have been relaxed, writing or gaining some knowledge by reading a book, I sat there anxiously, glaring at the gate agent for HOURS!

We all live lives that are on standby and are places we NEVER thought we would be, because lets face it we have no idea what our future holds even if we try our best to control it.

l’ve made my fair share of excuses and put off really living by saying “I’ll start that tomorrow”, or “I’ll face my reality tomorrow” far too many times. And although I don’t believe it’s possible to be prepared for all of what life throws at you, (things like death, birth, parenthood), I have come to believe its possible to live a productive life in this uncertainty.

The more I’ve prepared, the more relaxed and confident I’ll be and it will be much easier to roll with the punches, punch the people that need to be punched, face myself, get up when I fall and get back to accomplishing those big life long dreams.

Great news is that our prayers were answered and my Dad did make it home for Thanksgiving and through all my anxiousness I too made it home for Thanksgiving. I will continue on learning to live my life more prepared for the life I want and the life I get to live on standby and I’m excited for whats to come!